1. a wise babalawo once told me, u dont need a husband, u need to learn how to love (mira, he was right)
2. so i went to work on having an agenda when choosing to love someone. this taught me patience & vulnerabilty, but then i had to add, i get to choose evolved people or not...and i dont need to be w/everyone u love
3. then i read harville hendrix’ getting the love you want which basically says what i already know: we marry people who have all the best & worst qualities of our parents (hooray, fuuuuuck)...we do this to get the love we never quite got right w/our parents::::but here’s the good news, if u choose emotionally intelligent people prepared to do the work, u can actually kill 2 birds w/one stone: finally getting the love and getting it when its healthy...
so, choose someone willing to do the work bec we’re all fucked and the rest is irrelevant...howlin