On first dates, I often hear great things about how a person has changed their lives. Then they tell me about the ways in which they used to be broken and got in their own way. When I ask, how did you get over it? Did you get a good therapist to keep you accountable to the new promises you made for yourself? Did you get a good therapist to help you develop new life skills so you don't repeat the same mistakes? When they say no, I ask, then how do we know you won't repeat the same behavior?
You can bet your bottom dollar that whatever they tell you is their issue when you first meet is going to be the exact thing that will end the relationship. Never fails because life change is a huge transformation. It's a rite of passage. It means leaving behind the tools your parents gave you and developing some new ones. That takes time, persistence, and real action on your part with someone who is a professional.
When huge life challenges present themselves (death of a parent, life threatening illness, divorce, etc), how you navigate them defines you.
You either go the next level in your development or you stand still in your growth based on the effect that tragedy has in your life. Whatever age you were emotionally at the time of that tragedy is where you will remain emotionally for the rest of your life. That's what it means to have a rite of passage....it's not a set of affirmations, it's a process, a committment to your own personal transformation...it's lifting your life to a higher place than what you were raised to believe you were capable of...
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