Black girlfriend: I need you to text me soon as you get home.
Black boyfriend: K.
Black girlfriend: No, but fa' real. I'm not playing. I will be pissed if I don't hear from you.
Black boyfriend: I live 13 mins from you.
Black girlfriend: I don't care. Text me dammit.
Black boyfriend: (sigh)
Black girlfriend: Your car is good, right? No tix, no broken headlights.
I'mma stand at my door and wait to see you get in the car....oh, and --
Black boyfriend: Uhm, babe, I'm fine. I've been fine. I don't argue with the police...I jus do what they hostile asses say...I'm fine...
Black girlfriend: I understand all that, but I'm having a meltdown...sorry I'm nagging...just....okay, just keep your phone on with the facebook app open...okay, use FB live and--
Black boyfriend: Babe, do you have some yarn?
Black girlfriend: what, yarn? I think so, why?
Black boyfriend: Why don't you start a hobby, knit something...chill...everything is fine...
Black girlfriend: Did you just tell me to get a hobby? Oh, hell no...I'm worrying about u and u just told me to get a hobby?...HELLLLLLLLS NO...Do you know how long it too me to get a black man? HELLO! I would like you to be here...a long damn time...sorry, i'm jus sayin...dang...
Black boyfriend: (silence...selectively tuning out the rant until it subsides)
Black girlfriend: OK, maybe I should do some yoga...ok, I love. u...
Black boyfriend: I love u too, but you still need a hobby...(mumbles something abt nagging)....
Black girlfriend: (grrrhhhhhh)
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April Yvette Thompson is a Tony-winning producer, actor, writer, thinker, dreamer in search of beauty, truth, love & flights of serendipitous grace.