Self-Care as Resistance: Part 4
I went into therapy because I was exhausted by not being able to measure up to a whole bunch of unspoken rules about black womanhood that I was expected to know. Not only did I not know the rules, once I learned them, I sucked at them:
how to keep a house
how to keep a man
have a church home
don't talk about family secrets even when they are wrapped around your neck like a vice.
And I realized the self care work I was doing in talk therapy, writing and self-care Sundays was my answer to the only rules I wanted to be accountable to in my life. The rules I was handed by the world around me never fit and it was in taking time to go inward and focus on nothing and no one other than me that taught me this. My inner voice had a set of core values that allowed me to be successful in building the kind of life I wanted to have. All I had to do was sit still, listen and prioritize me without guilt or anxiety (this last part took awhile, but I just faked it until I made it).