Part 1: From heart broken to mind opened
My daughter said, “Dad, you really like her. I can tell.”
She said, “Cause your face always lights up when you see her.”
Madi was right. I did really like her.
I was in love with her. Hopelessly.
She was a girl I thought God had made just for me. She was truly incredible. A beautifully compassionate soul, with a quick wit and day-brightening smile. She had an inspirational faith that gave her strength to keep a hard life from beating her down.
It wasn’t love at first sight. We had built a friendship at church and the more I learned about her, the more I wanted to know.
But when I fell, I fell hard.
Fast forward several months.
I finally built up enough courage to tell her how I felt.
It may be needless to say, but it wasn’t as mutual as I had hoped.
I won’t say I wasn’t depressed, but I didn’t stay there. More than disappointment, the rejection sparked in me a desire to find out why.
I began to delve into the world of the attraction gurus. I wanted a checklist to follow, some reasons, tips, just anything that would help me understand. What I found was far more important. My desire to understand a woman’s rejection led me on a deep dive into my own insecurities. I found a man who didn’t know how to listen to his wife. I found a man betrayed by divorce, but unable to accept his responsibility. I found a self-destructive mindset and an inability to trust. I found a little boy, bullied, scared and feeling abandoned.
I thought like most people: “I must be broken”. “There must be something wrong with me. Maybe I am crazy.” Self deprecation became self discovery through the work of David Snyder.
“If you want to have more power and control over your own life, in your own world, then you need to start working with the world as it is now, rather than what you think it should be, otherwise…you’re more than likely never going to achieve the kind of world you want.”
There was a world I wanted, and the world I lived in was not it. I had to reconcile those two vastly different realms and there were several neurological and physiological factors that made this reconciliation possible.
The first thing was to clean out my shit (Specific High Intensity Traumas). The feelings of inadequacy, worthlessness and fear were all rooted in events in my life. They were all events that happened because of another person’s actions and my misunderstanding of why. It was the inability to understand that kept the emotional trauma in place.
The subconscious stores traumas in two places: one is inside the body, the other is outside. This will sound strange to some, but those “vibes” people feel are preconscious perceptions filtered through an eight foot bioelectromagnetic sphere that every human with a beating heart creates. There’s some very interesting science available at heartmath.org for the fellow neuroscience nerds like me.
Besides sending and receiving vibrational influence (which goes so much deeper than people might realize), this bioelectromagnetic bubble is also the most complex holographic information system known to man. The virtual reality stuff Tony Stark plays with in the Iron Man movies is all based in human neurology. That’s where the subconscious stores events outside the body. The greatest part about this subconscious storage space is all the event images can be manipulated, and that manipulation directly impacts the feelings in your body as well as the thoughts in your head; as well as the perceptual filters you use to pay attention to stimuli in the environment.
In other words, these images directly impact every thought, in every area, and with every relationship.
You might ask yourself “How do I access these images?”
I did. I honestly didn’t think it would be as easy as it is, because people go to therapy for years to clear their own shit. What I found is that when I ask myself questions, I had to listen to the answer. The paleocortex has no capacity for language, it has to throw out a thought. It will be the first thought you have, it will feel like you’re making it up, and it’ll feel like it needs to be edited. That first thought is the answer.
David Snyder said, “If you can point to where you feel it, you can change it.”
Once I got my “meat suit” involved, and was able to point to where I felt it, I was able to find the event image in the bioelectromagnetic field, frame it, shrink the frame down to a manageable size, extract the lesson and toss the event.
It began a process of clearing and understanding.
I was able to remove those event images from literally in front of my face, and the size of a moving van, (hello anxiety) to behind my back; dealt with and gone.
Another nuclear powered neuro bomb hit me when I discovered the brain doesn’t know tense. Past and future thoughts prompt the same emotional and physiological responses as the present event. That’s why you get goosebumps when you tell that one story, or think about that one song. It’s why the tickle bug can make my kids laugh from four feet away. It’s why you get mad all over again when thinking about an argument.
Here’s the power: past and future are the same. I used this newfound super power to create a picture of a life I wanted, and thought about how I would feel living that life. The thalamus takes care of the rest. Once the frame was in place, and fueled by positive emotion, the thalamus tweaked my perceptual filters (those six senses we all have) to look for opportunities to make this life match that frame.
Part 2: I will not be a victim of circumstances
It didn’t come like I expected. February 2018, I was asked to resign from what I thought would be the last job I would ever have. I was so excited about the things I was learning with building rapport, that I neglected my sales responsibilities. I was too busy making friends to make sales. It was a critical mistake.
The entrepreneurial spirit awoke within me. “I SHALL START MY OWN THING!! Muahahahaha!” I began laying the groundwork for what would become a disruptor in the way people do business — using neuroscience to build customer relationships and create experiences that customers talk about. Organic growth through real, values-based relationships.
Because of my financial situation, I had to do things one step at a time, by myself, for free. It was difficult to say the least. I still had bills to pay and no income or savings. I took a job washing dishes in a Chinese restaurant, but only got ten hours on the weekend. It was something, but not enough to pay the bills.
I did, however, land a client. I was on my way to our second meeting when local authorities thought it best to remove my car from my possession. It was a court computer error, but nonetheless left me new clientless and walking two miles to work. Thankfully that dedication paid off, and I eventually moved from dishes to serving, and within three months, managing.
It was also during the first few months I fought a losing battle with depression. Here I was with a new and exciting idea, with seemingly no way to get the idea realized. I was under the general misconception that you need money to start a business. Money was something I didn’t have, and that was having a detrimental effect on my emotional well being.
I thought for sure I was a failure.
I had heard before that a failure was an event, not a person, but it didn’t really help much.
The help came in the form of Adam Gilad’s podcast F! Normal. It was there I heard him say the most stress relieving truth: there is no failure, or success. I am simply where I want to be in life, or on my way there.
He was right, and the weight of “right now” fell from my shoulders. I no longer felt that I was a failure. My business didn’t have to become a multi-million dollar machine tomorrow. This truth gave me the freedom to pursue a passion, and build a strong foundation for my business. It released the grip of depression from not being where I wanted to be.
Part 3: From knowledge to wisdom
I began using my powers of rapport building to create a loyal client base, and generated so much word of mouth advertising for us at the restaurant, that demand outweighed staffing.
Offers were coming from every direction. I turned down the opportunity of a lifetime: a sales position with Porsche. A six figure income would’ve been easy. I’ve been offered positions serving at local resorts, making thousands. In cash. Every week.
My friends and family wanted so bad for me to take these opportunities, but a dream called out to me from the distance,and it was a call I could no longer ignore. I couldn’t sell my dream. I won’t do it for $10.00 an hour, so why would I do it for a quarter million a year? This burning desire to know more about human neurology had grown into real world skills; and it was time to put these powers to good use.
I did this through a vibrational phenomenon commonly known as influence. It’s real rapport. It’s physics. I did say this vibrational influence goes far deeper than most people realize. It can be demonstrated with any number of metronomes. Any youtube search of metronome synchronization will return multiple videos of these ticking time keepers all falling into rhythm within five minutes or so. Our proprioceptive nervous systems do the same thing, the difference being we don’t realize we’re feeling the vibrations. We simply “get a feeling”.
I created a frame where people I came in contact with felt good about being around me. When they came into the restaurant, they were greeted like best friends, fed like family, and spoiled like royalty. This level of service came almost automatically because of the frame.
There was no wonder I averaged tips in the 20–40% range, and it wasn’t uncommon to get 100 plus percent from some guests.
I was able to build intense rapport — like when you just met someone, but feel like you’ve known them your whole life — within a few minutes, every single time. I was able to make other people feel really good, just from talking with them, every single time.
Creating deep levels of rapport and good feelings in others was a repeatable process. And thus, it was teachable.
Insert “mind blown” gif here. Really.
Astounded might only begin to describe it. Because these skills are teachable, it meant anyone could do it. After helping Trudi, I wrote and developed these steps into training classes, and began teaching them to others who desperately needed my help.
Trudi was getting nowhere, fighting with corruption in her local government for 18 years, when she found me. She presented very intelligent, lawful, logical arguments for her side, but to no avail. After telling me her situation, I told her one of the biggest secrets in Hollywood — fractionation. It’s the emotional roller coaster movie scenes take us through. Those emotional highs and lows build near-unbreakable bonds to the characters. Next thing we know, the movie is over and it was the greatest thing we’ve seen.
When Trudi used the value elicitation and fractionation techniques I taught her, she finally broke through and got some results.
She wrote “After so much failure I just had to share with you this positive reply… — first ray of hope in 18 years. I did like you said, it was personal, they felt an emotion and responded. Thank you so much, you are brilliant & I never would have gotten this far if you had not given me such in depth advise. I hope you are well and get the success you deserve. 18 years of nothing. Thanks to you I am on the right track. God bless.”
I was hooked.
It wasn’t a magic pill or quick fix thing. I didn’t have to sell anything. There was no customer complaints, no comps, no coupons. It was genuinely helping someone else.
I provided real, life-changing value.
It was in helping Trudi i found the inspiration to create a rapport building and communication course to help people with their relationships. My love for small business gave me the inspiration for customer service and sales courses to recreate the organic growth I created at my restaurant.
There was just one tiny little thing holding me back.
Part 4: Killing the giant
It was death.
This fear gripped me. I had a repeating vision of my funeral, not as a bystander, or enjoying the view from Heaven, but looking up through a rectangular hole in the ground. My children, in tears, looking down at my lifeless body.
It was dying alone, useless and unfulfilled that I really feared. It wasn’t until I met April that I discovered why that fear had such a stronghold in my life.
April Yvette Thompson is an amazing acting coach, brilliant writer and as fierce as she is beautiful. She teaches actors, writers and dreamers “How to move from Fear to Fuck It” — in a nutshell, how to breakthrough from what’s holding them back and move to a place where they can make their own work.
We shared an immediate, undeniable connection and it was during one particular conversation when she asked what fear looked like to me. Being the nerd I am, I gave an intellectual answer. It was a few days later before I realized the actual answer.
Fear looked like an overbearing god waiting for me to make a mistake so he could squish me. Like most fears, this was completely irrational. It was this warped misconception that held me back. It was a limiting belief that no longer served as useful. My God loves me, He is always good, knows I’m going to make mistakes and He loves me anyway. He’s not going to squish me. I know it sounds foolish to some, but they haven’t lived my life.
I still have to consciously work to overcome the need for perfection in my work. It’s a lot easier to say “I’m a recovering perfectionist” than it is to say “I’m afraid to make a mistake”, but therein lies the power. Fear has a way of diminishing completely when it’s acknowledged and dealt with properly. Run towards it, not away from it.
Part 5: Where’s my supersuit?
Truth is, and I forget where I heard this initially, but nonetheless: it doesn’t matter if it’s a personal coach, a book, a movie, or a life that inspires; NO CHANGE HAPPENS IN YOUR LIFE WITHOUT A CHANGE IN MINDSET HAPPENING FIRST.
There has been numerous shifts in mindset, course corrections, and yes, mistakes along the way. The old adage “the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” holds true. Creating a business has been more like growing bamboo from seed than it has checking items off a list, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve been able to help countless others in their personal lives just from understanding the way people process information and relationships. I’ve developed teachable courses to help businesses grow without spending a dime on advertising. I have the absolute best girlfriend a guy could ask for.
My changes came through the influence and the help of several people I’ve been privileged to learn from. My love for people and the businesses they build lead me on a quest to help grow those businesses, build better relationships with the customers they serve and create experiences those customers rave about. I do that through the power of neuroscience, so it works every time.
is a Tony-winning producer/writer/actor & CEO of TheDreamUnLocked: Boutique Coaching for Actors, Writers & Dreamers