In Rori Raye's (datingcoach and author of 'Have The Relationship You Want') workbook and online program she explains the concept of CIRCULAR DATING. So, what does it imply and how does it work? SEXUAL EXCLUSIVITY vs A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
Lets examine this a little closer. Imagine, you are dating a new guy and you feel head over heels for him. You might even have agreed to be sexually exclusive. You took your profiles down from Match.com or OKCUPID and your focus is only on him. Right? Well, here is the scoop: Sexual exclusivity does NOT equal a committed relationship.
This brings us to the number one rule in relationships: Unless marriage or a committed relationship are openly discussed, you must assume you do not have one. There are no assumptions here or vague notions. He either asked you to be his girlfriend and marriage has been possibly discussed and is out there on the table, or it hasn't and you are still in the GREY ZONE. And no, you do not want to shut your options down when you are lingering in assumptionland. However, we often feel scared to bring up the subject, fearing to push our men away, that we keep silent on the things that matter most to us. But don't be fooled. Guys know that. He knows that being sexual with him is a major issue for most women. That we tend to feel vulnerable and uneasy when things are left undefined. He knows that and unless he brings it up all by himself, not wanting to loose you to any one else (you are the price here!!!) or you bring it up by yourself, you are not in a committed relationship.
So, ladies, its an important question, if not THE most: what do you want? What do you envision for your life? Make it clear, think about it and write it down. And stick to it. Once your agenda is clear, you do not want to shut your options down for some one that hasn't given you the prospect or promise of what you need. Bottomline: A woman without a ring is still a SINGLE thing! And so, it brings us back to CIRCULAR DATING. Again, it might seem counterintuitive, but it is an EXTREMELY BAD IDEA to shut your options down while your needs are not being met. So what do you do?
You keep your vibe open to the world, which will subliminally signal that you are in a 'receiving state'. You open your palms (like in savasana in your yoga class) and you zip your heart open passing your hand from the top of your heart all the way down to your stomach as if your zipping your body open. This physical gesture will help you to start being in a 'receiving state'. And then, ladies, you open yourself up to the world and you date! You can perfectly accept the invitation of your cute new neighbor to go for coffee. You smile to the attractive guy at Starbucks and when he asks you for your number you can give it to him. You can go out dancing with your girlfriends and you may dance with other guys. Or you might have lunch with an old flame who comes to town for 2 days. You surround yourself with men and you focus yourself on YOU. On your needs. On being happy and fulfilled.
And oh boy, your man will know. Instantly. Don't be surprised when he starts calling you more and becomes more affectionate. I told you!:)
This however does not mean that you need to become sexual or physical with the men you surround yourself with. It simply means that you surround yourself with men and keep on being open. And when sexual attraction occurs with an other man, you will still have plenty of time to make up your mind. We rather base our decision making from a place of abundance than from lack. Right?
By Alexandra Indaco-Heredia, The Goddess Circle: Tools for Lasting Love & Connection
is a Tony-winning producer/writer/actor & CEO of TheDreamUnLocked: Boutique Coaching for Actors, Writers & Dreamers