By Esther Armoogam
Women are the most beautiful creatures on this planet. They have a gift of the femininity which makes them soft, loving, beautiful and warm. A woman is a nature’s true gift to everybody.
Unfortunately, over the last years we started hiding our feminine side. We took on a lot of masculine positions and traits, trying to liberate ourselves from a traditional role of a passive housewife.
I’m glad we did. After all, the essence of feminine is freedom. But I can’t help but feel that we did too good of a job at becoming liberated and masculine, often at the expense of our true feminine nature. Women want to be ravished, loved, taken care of. We want to feel beautiful. We want to have fulfilling relationships in which we can surrender and be fully giving. Our core is love but we often suppress it thinking of it as our weakness.
I’ve been on a personal journey to re-discovering my feminine side ever since my break up a few weeks ago. I realised I often hid it, thinking that no man would want such an emotional and nagging woman. So I tried acting more like a man. I thought that would make them love me and want me more.
It didn’t work. Hiding my feminine side did not make me more desirable. But it did make me suffer more. I realised how untrue I was to myself during the whole time of the relationship. I really never allowed myself to be me, afraid that people will not accept me.
So here I am making a decision to learn to love myself, accept myself, love my body and respect myself – the way I am and for who I am.
To be truly yourself, truly healthy and live in line with nature, we need to cultivate our femininity. And this is my personal path to finding it, which I hope can inspire you as well.
I’ve tried various practices, and I’ve read a lot. Today I’d like to share with you 8 things that I’ve found to be working best for me. Try at least a few. See what makes you feel more feminine and sexy. And then try to make them your daily habits. With time, see if you can add more. It will soon become natural to you like breathing.
1. Turn your bedroom into a sacred space of love and beauty
Everything around us has either masculine or feminine energy. As a woman you need a lot of feminine energy around you to feed you.
This is why your bedroom becomes so important. This is where you spend a lot of your time, this is where you sleep and rest.
Though sometimes it might be difficult, try to keep your bedroom as a sacred place: for rest and pleasure only. Your bedroom is not your office, it’s not a playground for kids. It is your secret chamber were you should be always free to go to recharge and get energy.
How to do it?
Place flowers, candles and incents. You can use various materials and pillows to make it feel cozy. Play with lights. You can use mirrors, paintings and photographs on the walls and ceiling.
One thing I’m just crazy about, is putting the photos of you and your partner in nude on the walls. I’m talking about very subtle, erotic pictures, preferably in black and white. Imagine how that would make you feel if you were continuously surrounded (and reminded) of the love you have with your partner and your opposite energies and sexual tension. That’s what your bedroom should be like.
2. Get flowers!
Most women love flowers (or even more, we love getting flowers).
Flowers represent the feminine energy, Mother Nature and love.
If you have a partner who isn’t currently getting you flowers, ask him to! To men it seems like a trivial thing so they don’t think of it. Just remind them how happy it would make you feel if he gave you flowers.
If you don’t have a partner (or if your partner stubbornly refuses to give you flowers), then simply get them yourself!
When I first did it, I have to admit, I felt a bit stupid. How louse of me to be buying flowers for myself, because my boyfriend, despite asking him many times, is not. It actually made me feel even worse.
But I continued. I decided to give it a try. And now it’s my normal practice to buy flowers for myself all the time. You will always find fresh flowers both in my bedroom and on my office desk.
You are your best friend. Appreciate flowers from yourself like you would from anybody else.
And, if you do have a partner, him seeing you getting flowers from somebody else, might just be that push he needed to get you flowers himself the next time.
3. Treat Yourself to a SPA session
There is nothing better for a woman than to relax. It’s in our nature to just let go, be able to forget of all the things we should be doing, and just be fully present in the moment, in our bodies, feeling deep into our core.
These days women juggle family and career duties, adding additional activities, hobbies and projects. You very often hear women complaining that they have no time for themselves.
But we need it. It’s what rechargers us.
Go to SPA at least once a month (if you have time and can afford, do it every week).
Go for a massage and relax.
In the Western world, SPA can be quite expensive and so many women are reluctant to spend so much money on something seemingly so superficial.
But please do. It will make a huge impact on your wellbeing in long term. Remember, you deserve it. You are worth every penny you spend on yourself.
Choose a place with a nice music, dimmed lights and incents. Try it just once and you’ll see how amazing it will make you feel.
4. Once a week, take yourself out on a date
Once a week have a date with yourself. Treat it as any other important task on your calendar, like a meeting with your boss or taking kids to school. No rescheduling, no cancelling.
How would you feel if your friend (or your partner) cancelled on you? Well, then don’t do it to yourself, either. You deserve attention. You deserve your date to be on time and treat you well. That’s how your dates with yourself should be like.
So what do you do on such a date?
Whatever you want!
You can go to museum or theatre if you like art. Or even dedicate this time to making your own art (for example paint – that’s what I often do). You can go to a nice restaurant and have a meal. Yes, all by yourself! No rushing, just enjoying the space and freedom of not having have to talk to anybody.
You can also read a book, go to SPA, or have a home SPA. I have such a date with myself ever Sunday. I go to sauna, then I do body scrum, face mask, hair mask, I do my nails. I love these days!
Whatever it is that you enjoy doing, and that you often neglect because of your to-do lists, is what you can do with yourself during your date.
P.S. make sure to plan it in advance and schedule it in your calendar. Remember, it’s like any other appointments. Don’t cancel it for anybody. If you do, you’re sending yourself a massage that you are not that important. And you are! So make sure to always stick to your plan.
5. Give yourself presents
Just like you deserve to get flowers (no matter from who), you also deserve presents.
Every now and then, treat yourself with a nice piece of jewellery, nice make-up, or a little decorative piece for your room.
By doing so you’re telling yourself that you deserve to be given these things. And you do (in case you ever wondered ;p).
I’m sure you have a list of things that you’d really want to have or experience. Instead of waiting for somebody to get it for you, treat yourself!
Once you start, you’ll see how easily it will become a natural and spontaneous habit for you. Till then, though, make it a point to do it once a month. Spoil yourself!
6. Look in the mirror
How often do you stop and take a moment to look into a mirror and really see and appreciate yourself?
You are beautiful, on the inside, and on the outside. You deserve to be appreciated.
Stand in front of the mirror and look at your face. Notice all the little details. Look into your eyes. Look at your lips. Pay attention to tiny things you might have not noticed before.
Notice how your face has changed over the time. Notice any wrinkle and feel love for them. Feel love for your face.
This practice will indeed make you like yourself more, and the reason for it is very simple. We like what we’re familiar with. So the more familiar you become with your face, the more you will like it and the more you will want to look at it!
Now do the same with your body. Stand naked in front of your mirror. Women rarely see the beauty of their body. We always notice extra fat here or there, cellulite, too little breasts, or not firm enough. We are always so fast at finding what’s wrong with our bodies and criticise ourselves.
Break this pattern. It’s very self-destructive. No body is perfect and for that reason every body is perfect. Observe yourself. It’s likely you haven’t really looked at your naked body much so you might actually not be as familiar with it. But this is you, it’s who you are.
Woman’s body is beautiful, it has energy, it has light. It’s these things that attract men. Not the size, not the shape. It’s this magical energy emanating from your body. And we all have it. You just need to learn to let this light shine from you.
It’s even better if you can look in the mirror and touch yourself. Touch your tights, your belly, your breasts. Allow yourself to be sexual, to feel desire.
I know it might feel very awkward at first. Take it as a sign that there are certain blocks in you from feeling and embracing your full femininity.
Take it one step at a time. Slowly, you will learn to be in love with your body. And once you do, you’ll start pulling in men, who won’t be able to resist your charm.
7. Get a Photoshoot session
It’s a wonderful way to let your inner femininity and sexappeal shine through you.
Do a photoshoot, and even better, do a very sexy one.
Last year I decided to do it. At first I felt really shy. I was only wearing my underwear, and didn’t really know what to do. With time, however, I started feeling very comfortably.
Two things will happen when you do it. First, you will learn how to look (and therefore, feel) sexy and beautiful. How to arch your back, how to stretch. There is a reason why certain body poses look hot, while others don’t. When you allow your feminine energy to freely flow through you, it will start moving your body. You’ll realise your body wants to open up and stretch. You will feel where the energy is concentrated and how it moves within you.
The second thing you will learn is confidence in showing your sexuality in front of others. Unfortunately, in our days female sexuality is still a taboo. Female pleasure still remains something bad. And so we are raised feeling the constraints and believing that it’s bad to show our sexuality.
But it is who you are! It’s the beauty of every woman and it should be cherished and embraced.
8. Please yourself sexually
Yes, I’m taking about masturbation, or as it’s called in Taoism, self-cultivation.
There is a reason why you feel sexual pleasure. You have a right for it. It’s all natural and it’s healthy.
It’s actually interesting to know that clitoris is the only body part (which goes for both women and men) created purely for pleasure. There is no other reason for it. Now isn’t it a clear sign from Mother Nature that your sexual pleasure is a part of you and that it’s good for you?
Sexual energy is the strongest energy. It keeps us healthy, determined, creative.
You can choose to please yourself only to feel orgasm. Or you can also choose to move this energy around you. There is an ancient Taoism practice called microcosmic orbit, which helps you circulate your sexual energy throughout your whole body. I will write about it in one of my next posts.
I can’t wait for you to try these steps. They have been bringing amazing results for me, and I know they can do the same for you.
If you practice and nature your femininity in any other way which you’d like to share, please do so. I’d love to hear more and I’m sure everybody else here will benefit.
is a Tony-winning producer/writer/actor & CEO of TheDreamUnLocked: Boutique Coaching for Actors, Writers & Dreamers