Two friends sent me playbills of shows they saw me in years ago...they were career-making roles...and i’m super proud of the actor I’ve become and eternally grateful that my work had meaning for folks...mission accomplished... but seeing those playbills didnt hurt like they did in the past...it didnt make me long to be acting again...it only reminded me that when I was doing my best work, no one cared enough for that work to advance me to the next level...it was like the better I got, the more unfit that made me for the market place... those playbills reminded me of what a couple of white male teachers alluded to...that i’d never have what the commercial industry wanted... and i realized that’s true...when i saw one character amongst thousands that i would be interested in playing once every decade...maybe... my idea of valuable and having something to say are not things the popular mindset is interested in paying for...and i’m making peace with that...bec what i value has never made me feel alienated, exhausted, overworked and never paid, hungry, homeless and unsettled...what i value feeds, nourishes, supports me emotionally, financially and creates safe space & safe relationships where i’m supported... the world of those playbills worked me til i dropped and rarely supported me unless i worked 3 jobs... i did those roles, i don’t miss the struggle...i don’t miss not having a rich life, but rather a life of scarcity and no place to call home... i don’t miss that... i would miss the life i have right now however: the power, the control over my destiny, the ability to visit 3 diff countries in one afternoon, the freedom to wake up when i want to, or work all night and sleep all day, the look on my client’s face when something they’ve struggled with for decades breaks loose and they can finally breathe...i would miss that...i would miss the amazingly supportive emotional relationships i have now...the 3 new homes where i can fall asleep after a meal and someone will cover me with a blanket...or endlessly text me u til i come outside for a walk, a glass of wine & conversation...abt everything and nothing (and never abt what someone is working on)...i would miss someone telling me i love u and then meaning it...i would miss the ability to take care of myself that i now have that i never had when i was getting the nytimes raves... Where are the places in your life where you feel comfort? Where are the places that leave you feeling drained?
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AprilYvetteThompsonis a Tony-winning producer/writer/actor & CEO of TheDreamUnLocked: Boutique Coaching for Actors, Writers & Dreamers Categories
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