Just STOP: This post is not abt a failure to have self-love. There are 1000s of married people who have no self-love. This post is abt those of us who have finally learned we have a right to long for partnership so don’t make this abt a lack of self-love...thas lame shaming..
after uve spent years doing all this internal work & ur still longing for a partner; then someone drops this.
it leaves u feeling defeated or like that friend has just run out constructive suggestions for u & is tired of hearing u talking abt something they seemed to have solved
i felt these things & then when I got engaged, friends/family said:
“Is this a joke?”
Or why would you do that, I thought you gave up on that.. Oh she just can’t keep a man or Oh she just moving to Morocco to get a Moroccan man (children only repeat the hurtful shit their parents say and feel)...”
No, I didnt give up, I just stopped discussing my deepest hopes, wishes & dreams w/people who acted like it was my fault for being single. They had no idea how deep a pain I was in...none...they just didnt want to be bothered. How I grew up never expecting to be loved by anyone...they have no idea what that feels like
loved ones who simply didnt want to hear about it as if my ‘failure’ had to do with something being wrong with me. That’s when I realized just bec ur a “loved one” doesn’t mean ur for me bec I’m loving a love that’s not being returned...
Yeah, I felt that...I felt all the people who gave up on me...and I had to let them go...it was hard...but when I did...my guy showed up w/out me having to do a thing.
Those folks who truly did not believe in me were part of the dead weight I was carrying...how they felt about me was in odds with the truth of who I am.
I see them & all their coded comments & think wow...how far I’ve come to be able to let go of people i love who were not vested in my greatest good...
so if u feel distant from me...
know this one’s for u...
i see u...and ur wrong...
what would my life look like if i was only surrounded by people who wanted my highest good?
I’m about to find out...
I say these truths bec as long as i don’t say them, i hold onto somebody’s else idea of what i deserve....i’m handing them back those limiting beliefs...tbey’re not mine to carry, it’s theirs....i also believe that people who claim to love u need to be made aware of things that feel like they are expressing a kind of contempt for u...
what u meant is irrelevant especially when the result was a deep telling of ur true feelings about someone...in that contempt, i hear all the toxic shit i said & thought about myself that came out in therapy...and i realize these people’s ideas about me being too much weren’t the truth...i had to spend years undoing the shit they laid at my feet...
remember, people who self-destructed and had to rebuild themselves bit by broken bit are empaths capable of feeling the things you don’t say but believe deeply...
i feel every fissure on the soul
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is a Tony-winning producer/writer/actor & CEO of TheDreamUnLocked: Boutique Coaching for Actors, Writers & Dreamers