The Pygmalion Effect
The other night I was talking to friend and dating expert, Evan Marc Katz, about why some women have so much trouble with finding love. Not surprisingly, we both had the exact same point of view and it came down to one word: softness.
Softness with your willingness to tear down the walls around your heart and giving up the need to be "right."
Softness in your ability to be open to men without emitting harsh, judgmental words or thoughts. (if you are having negative thoughts, trust me, the other person can feel it on some level.)
We humans can be so hard on ourselves and others. The impulse to judge and criticize comes too easily for many of us. It's time to soften our edges, become more loving, gentle, and accepting and learn to embrace certain truths:
1) Accepting that we don't know what we don't know about love and by opening and softening up to proven advice that has worked for others.
2) There is no such thing as perfection. We are all perfectly imperfect.
Research by Sandra Murray, a psychologist at the University of Buffalo, reveals that putting on the "rose colored glasses" and idealizing our partner actually leads to more happiness and satisfaction in relationship. In fact, the happiest couples focus on what's right and not on what's wrong. This is also known as the Pygmalion effect, the phenomenon in which the greater the expectation placed upon people, the better they perform. It's a form of self-fulfilling prophecy. As mature adults, we get to choose our thoughts and beliefs so why not intentionally intend and expect the best out of our selves and our dates?
Today, begin to look at the places in yourself where you have hard edges and tend to judge yourself and others. Look for ways to soften and create receptivity for our collective humanness. We all want to be loved and accepted for who we really are. Knowing that we are all flawed and imperfect, we need to practice non-judgment on a moment-to-moment basis.
Manifesting a soulmate is just the first step to a lifetime of love. Learning to love, appreciate and accept our beloved (and to make sure they really feel our love and acceptance) this is the real work of Big Love.
Wishing you love, laughter & magical kisses,
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is a Tony-winning producer/writer/actor & CEO of TheDreamUnLocked: Boutique Coaching for Actors, Writers & Dreamers